Undercity Crown — Issue 1: The Descent
Pick up where you left off.
This is a completed script. Art is in progress.
Cover
Details TBD
Pages 1 – 3: The Heights and the Chipped Tooth
Page One
This is a full page (splash scene)
Panel 1
Caption: Present day. Strathen, the Heights
Description: A wide shot of a shadowy figure standing at the edge of a plateau, a gun visible in his right hand, arm resting casually at his side. The faint glow from a lit cigarette held in his left hand as he brings it toward his mouth to take a drag.
The vast city of Strathen stretches out below him, a sprawling landscape of lights and shadow. A blurred figure lies face down to the right, adding an ominous note to the scene. The body’s face is turned away; nothing should identify it.
Note: the cigarette gesture returns on Page 22.
Dialogue:
Atlas: “Fuck.”
Thought:
Atlas: “Ten days. That’s all it took.”
Page Two
Panel 1
Caption: Ten days earlier. Strathen, the Undercity
Description: View from behind Atlas as he stands at the entrance of a bar with a sign that reads “The Chipped Tooth”, silhouetted by the dim light from within.
Thought:
Atlas: “Last time I walked through these doors, I dragged Bud back to the Watchhouse in handcuffs.”
Panel 2
Description: A wide shot as Atlas enters the Chipped Tooth. It’s an old bar with mining paraphernalia: two used pickaxes on the wall. There is a female bartender, and no one sitting at the bar. Four shady-looking people (Red Talon members) sharing a table, a few smaller groups and some individuals. Behind the bar, an old brass speaking tube runs up the wall and disappears into the ceiling.
Note: the brass speaking tube is used on Page 12.
Thought:
Atlas: “Now I’m here asking him for a job. And a place to stay dead.”
Character description – Bartender:
Red hair, green eyes, sharp angular face with high cheekbones, a rugged look with a few scars
Red talon tattoo on her neck
Note: the tattoo is not visible until Page 9.
Sleeveless leather vest, a worn-out shirt
Tough looking
Panel 3
Description: A small panel. Atlas walks to the bar, and the table of four Red Talon members watch him. His eyes meet the nearest member’s for one long, deliberate beat of mutual eye contact.
Notes:
Give this Red Talon a distinctive marker (e.g., a bleached streak through dark hair) so readers can track him
He initiates the attack on Page 6.
Thought:
Atlas: “New bartender. Good. Less chance someone here remembers the badge.”
Page Three
Panel 1
Description: Atlas is standing, leaning slightly with his elbows resting on the bar counter. His right hand is near Grim, his gun, which he placed on the bar counter (with a slight thud). He speaks to the bartender, who stands nearby behind the bar counter.
Dialogue:
Atlas: “Get Bud his beer. Ice cold.”
Grim: “Real subtle. They’ll never guess you’re armed.”
Panel 2: Panels 2 and 3 are side-by-side horizontally
Description: His eyes meet the bartender’s; she’s looking from a side angle, so the Red Talon tattoo on her neck is not visible. Atlas studies her. She gives no sign of hearing Grim.
Panel 3
Description: Close-up of Atlas’ hand tensing on the bar counter near Grim.
Note: this sets up the flashback on the next page.
Pages 4 – 5: The Hole (flashback)
The flashback can have a sepia tone
Page Four
Panel 1
Caption: Six months ago
Description: Flashback transition with sepia tones, showing Atlas being escorted down a tunnel in a mine. His hands are bound and his holster is empty. The escorts are non-descript figures.
Dialogue:
Dranus (off-panel): “You were always too curious for your own good, Atlas.”
Panel 2
Description: They move to a large, cavernous area that is connected to the mining network. There are other paths carved into the cavern at various heights that lead to different tunnels and sections of the mine. Lit torches are placed throughout.
Panel 3
Description: Atlas stands at the edge of the hole where he will be lowered, and he looks to the bottom. A wooden platform hovers above the hole, connected to a contraption that sits over it for moving the platform up and down. Dranus stands behind the escorts, his face in shadow.
Dialogue:
Non-descript escort: “What goes in the report, boss? Mining accident?”
Dranus: “Quiet.”
Character description – Dranus:
A few years older than Atlas
A senior officer of the Watch; the escorts answer to him
Tall and broad-shouldered
Dark hair slicked back with a widow’s peak, long sideburns, clean-shaven
Sharp, handsome features: strong jaw, heavy brows, heavy-lidded eyes
Default expression is a composed half-smile
Long dark greatcoat with wide lapels, Watch insignia pins on both lapels
Three-piece suit underneath: buttoned waistcoat, white shirt, dark tie
Immaculate
Note:
In Issue 1, his face stays in shadow, or out of frame
Panel 4
Description: Atlas is lowered into the dark hole on the wooden platform, his face showing fear.
Dialogue:
Atlas: “Dranus… I trusted you.”
Page Five
Panel 1
Description: A close-up of Atlas’ hand gripping the edge of the platform as it descends. Dranus’ legs are visible at the lip of the hole above, implying he’s watching Atlas’ descent.
Dialogue:
Dranus (from above): “Goodbye, old friend. I hope the truth was worth it.”
Panel 2
Description: A small panel depicting the platform descending the hole; the light recedes as it goes down.
Panel 3
Description: A small, nearly black panel. The platform reaches the bottom.
Call-out sound effect: THUD
Panel 4 – bottom half of the page
Description: A faint white light stands out in complete darkness. The bottom of the hole is spacious* (see note) and a small area surrounding the light is visible in the dim glow. At the edge of that glow: Erebus, an indistinguishable tall, slender and long-limbed figure.
Note: this is a different part of the mine and there’s more to explore.
Dialogue:
Erebus: “Dranus sends me so many curious things. Most of them stop moving after a while.”
Character description – Erebus:
Issue 1 features a silhouette only (he is never fully lit), and the light only catches his outline
At first glance he appears to be a person, at second glance, he seems off. He’s too tall, his limbs and fingers are too long, and his shoulders are hunched as if the ceiling were too low (it isn’t)
Two pinpoints of reflected light where his eyes should be (like a cat caught in a lantern, or in low light)
He stands completely still
Lettering for dialogue: his dialogue balloon should look different from everyone else’s (e.g., a black balloon with white text, or a thin, uneven border)
Full design for later issues:
Seven to eight feet tall when he straightens (which he rarely does)
Gaunt
Grey, colourless skin, almost translucent (life without sun)
Large dark eyes; he turns away from direct light
He moves slowly and quietly, he tilts his head with patient curiosity
He has a soft, unhurried, and faintly amused voice
Pages 6 – 9: The Bar Fight
Page Six
Panel 1
Description: The scene shifts back to the bar, focusing on Atlas’ eyes, which reflect the darkness of the hole.
Dialogue:
Bartender: “Ya alright, topper? Still want that beer for… him?”
Panel 2
Description: The distinct Red Talon from Page 2 lunges at Atlas from behind (his Red Talon tattoo is on his neck just below the jawline). Atlas is still looking at the bartender with a calm expression, but his precognition activates* (see note). Show his subtle shift in posture and his hand moving toward Grim.
Note: standard precognition shows a ghost-image of the assailant’s trajectory moving toward him
Dialogue:
Attacking Red Talon member: “Who are you to use his name?”
Character description – Red Talon members:
Rough appearance, Red Talon tattoo on their necks just below the jawline, range in age from 20s to 40s
Mix of leather jackets, vests and rugged clothing. Some piercings, some tattoos
Intimidating looking
Panel 3 – large, bottom half of the page
Description: Action scene. Atlas, still calm, pivots from his spot at the bar, dodging the attack, Grim in his right hand and his arm extended at the other three Red Talon standing at their table. The assailant crashes into the bar counter.
Call-out sound effect: CRASH
Dialogue:
Grim: “Showtime.”
Page Seven
Panel 1
Description: Close-up of Grim.
Dialogue:
Grim: “Red Talon. Four on one. Hardly seems fair.”
Panel 2
Description: Atlas shoots one of the three Red Talon members in the knee.
Call-out sound effect: BLAM
Panel 3
Description: The first assailant is behind Atlas holding onto the bar counter for support; he lost his balance as he swung over Atlas. Two other Red Talon members are poised to strike, and the final one is on the ground clutching his wounded knee. The pain and surprise of the shot are focal points.
Dialogue:
Atlas: “Three. Better?”
Grim: “For them? No.”
Panel 4
Description: Wide shot showing the patrons’ diverse reactions (shock, disapproval, excitement) to the fight. Small murmur balloons.
Dialogue:
Patron 1 (small): “Is he daft?”
Patron 2 (small): “Talons’ll skin ’im.”
Page Eight
Panel 1: Mass precognitive flash, top half of the page
Description: A single panel showing Atlas’ precognition: overlapping ghost-images of all three remaining attacks converging on him simultaneously (standard precognition). The streaked-hair Red Talon has recovered and rejoined. One has a knife, the rest use their fists. The visual should feel overwhelming, but Atlas’ expression stays composed.
Dialogue:
Atlas: “Here’s your one and only chance to run.”
Panel 2
Description: Atlas moving through the attackers in a fluid sequence: disabling the knife-wielder with a disarm
Dialogue:
Grim: “You’re not really gonna let them run, right?”
Panel 3
Description: Atlas redirects one attack into the other.
Panel 4
Description: Atlas tosses the last attacker into the bar. The momentum drops Atlas to one knee.
Page Nine
Panel 1
Description: Wide shot: the bar is a mess. Other patrons are scowling, some standing. Nobody helps Atlas. The room feels hostile.
Dialogue:
Patron: “You boys should’ve put him down.”
Panel 2
Description: The bartender, shotgun aimed at Atlas’ back. Atlas still on one knee. Her head is turned toward us now: the Red Talon tattoo on her neck is clearly visible for the first time. No precog treatment in this panel.
Call-out sound effect: CHICK-CHACK
Thought:
Atlas: “No flash. She hasn’t decided yet.”
Panel 3
Description: Atlas looks up over his shoulder with a smile. The bartender is surprised but holds her aim steady.
Dialogue:
Grim: “You know, Atlas, for someone so keen on control, you’re pretty bad at maintaining it.”
Atlas: “Didn’t see her tattoo, eh?”
Grim: “I wasn’t looking at her tattoo.”
Pages 10 – 12: The Cards
Page Ten
Panel 1
Description: The bartender responds with a suspicious look on her face (she thinks Atlas is speaking out loud to himself).
Dialogue:
Bartender: “Code’s old, hon. He don’t go by that no more, and you don’t go ’round sayin’ ’is name like that, now do ya, topper?”
Panel 2
Description: Atlas chuckles, wipes the dust from his sleeves. He looks to his jacket pocket and points.
Dialogue:
Atlas: “Do you mind if I grab something from my jacket pocket?”
Panel 3
Description: Atlas reaches into his jacket with his left hand. The bartender pulls the shotgun to her shoulder to take aim in case he does something unexpected.
Dialogue:
Bartender: “Slow, topper. Else I paint these walls.”
Panel 4
Description: Atlas holds up a business card between the thumb and index finger of his left hand, Grim still in his right. The card* is worn (see business card details).
Business card details:
High-quality, slightly weathered, coffee stain, vintage
Text:
Bud
Proprietor of the Chipped Tooth
A Light in the Dark for Those in Need
Logo: small, elegant symbol of a harmonica
Page Eleven
Panel 1
Description: The bartender’s expression softens. She lowers her shotgun, motioning for Atlas to stand.
Dialogue:
Atlas: “Topper, huh? Well, times change.”
Atlas: “I need to find Bud. He gave me this years ago, said it would be useful someday. Looks like today’s that day.”
Panel 2
Description: Atlas goes back to sitting at the bar. The bartender has a serious look on her face.
Dialogue:
Bartender: “Red Talon won’t be none too pleased ’bout this mess. I make it disappear, and you owe me one. Keen, topper?”
Atlas: “An open favour. Fair trade.”
Panel 3
Description: The bartender passes Atlas a new business card. The downed Red Talon members are visible in the frame: two unconscious, the knee-shot one conscious and groaning, the fourth taking his time getting up (he clearly does not want to continue fighting). The bar is a bit of a mess: scattered glasses, knocked-over stools.
Dialogue:
Atlas: “I wasn’t looking for trouble. Get the knee looked at.”
Grim: “‘Wasn’t looking for trouble.’ I love it when you lie.”
Panel 4
Description: Close-up of the card. It reads “The Mentor” and bears the Mentor’s symbol (an M carved into an icon of copper-coloured musical pipes).
Page Twelve
Panel 1
Description: Wide shot of Atlas finishing his drink at the bar, pocketing the card. The downed men groan.
Thought:
Atlas: “Copper pipes. Of course he’d hide in the Pipes.”
Panel 2
Description: Atlas is adjusting his jacket as he heads out of the bar, leaving the defeated men behind. Patrons are helping the Red Talon members on the ground now that Atlas has started to leave.
Panel 3
Description: A small panel. Behind the bar, the bartender leans into the brass speaking tube, one hand cupped around her mouth, eyes on the door Atlas just left through. Her whisper balloon (dotted outline) runs off the panel border so no words are legible.
Note: this sets up the Mentor’s line “She told me” on Page 17.
Pages 13 – 15: The Pipes
Overview of the Pipes
The Pipes is a sprawling labyrinth located in the Undercity, and is a relic of the city’s industrial past. The vast network of pipes carried water and steam to various parts of the city. As the city modernized and moved upward into the Heights, the Pipes became irrelevant.
A maze of rusty iron and steel, with pipes ranging from small ducts to large tunnels big enough to walk through. Some of the metal is corroded and pitted, rusty and tarnished.
The air is thick with the smell of damp metal and old water.
Steam bursts through leaky valves and split seams, filling the area with a constant hiss that creates a haunting, rhythmic music
Note: this is known as the music of the pipes.
The Pipes aren’t completely abandoned: the Mentor repurposed the area to serve as his hideout, and it includes a series of makeshift structures.
Page Thirteen
Panel 1: large, two-thirds of the page
Caption: Strathen, the Undercity. The Pipes
Description: Wide shot of Atlas standing in front of the entrance to the Pipes, dwarfed by it, with the faint sound of steaming pipes.
Call-out sound effect (soft, rhythmic, drifting across the panel): hsssss… hsss… hsssss…
Thought:
Atlas: “The sorrowful tune of the Pipes, outlived by the city that’s moved onward without them.”
Panel 2
Description: Atlas approaches the entrance, his silhouette framed against the light coming from within.
Note: Use shadows to symbolize Atlas stepping into a new world.
Thought:
Atlas: “Last time I went this far down in the Undercity, it wasn’t by choice.”
Page Fourteen
Panels 1 – 3: a row of small panels
Description: Atlas enters the hideout and reacts to the various unusual artifacts (broken or discarded items, puzzling-looking things). Each small panel shows a different corner, with Atlas’ eyeline guiding the reader. Artifacts could include:
Antique books
Ancient maps or globes
Fossilized creatures
Ancient weapons
Experimental gadgets
Masks and statues
Panel 4: wide
Description: A wide shot revealing the interior of the Mentor’s hideout: a menagerie of extravagance and eccentricity. In the centre, a large aquarium with a shark swimming lazily. Dimly lit cabinet of curiosities crossed with a cheap music hall. Use moody or mysterious lighting.
Dialogue:
Grim: “He has a shark. I like him already.”
Panel 5
Description: A close-up of some bizarre portraits and a strange mechanical device (a modified gramophone). Among the portraits, one faded photograph: two boys from the Seams, arms around each other’s shoulders. One is pale with wild hair; the other has a fresh black pickaxe tattoo. No one comments on it.
Page Fifteen
Panel 1
Description: A bouncer, bulky and intimidating, confronts Atlas outside a closed office door. Atlas stands firm. A Red Talon tattoo is visible on the bouncer’s forearm.
Dialogue:
Bouncer: “No guns past this door, pal.”
Grim: “Another talon. They’re starting to feel like decoration.”
Character description - Bouncer:
Large, imposing figure in early 40s, over 6 feet tall and muscular
Shaved head, thick beard, blue eyes
Red talon tattoo on forearm
Panel 2
Description: Close-up of Atlas as he steps forward to confront the bouncer, his eyes narrowing.
Dialogue:
Atlas: “Today, you’re making an exception.”
Panel 3
Description: The Mentor calls from his office, through the closed door. The bouncer is startled. Page turn into the office.
Dialogue:
The Mentor (from behind the door): “Let him in.”
Pages 16 – 19: The Mentor
Page Sixteen
Panel 1: large, half the page
Description: Wide shot of the office. The Mentor is behind his desk. Instead of sitting in his chair, he’s standing on it, adjusting a broken clock on a high shelf. He’s mid-task when Atlas enters. He doesn’t stop what he’s doing. A chessboard sits on a side table, a game in progress.
Dialogue:
Mentor: “Sit. Wine is on the desk. Don’t touch the cheese. It’s for the shark.”
Character description – The Mentor (i.e., Bud):
Early 50s, wiry, pale-skinned; hair still wild, now streaked with grey
Mismatched, oddly elegant clothes: a well-cut waistcoat over a worn miner’s shirt, sleeves rolled
A broken pocket watch on a chain
Quick, light movements; eyes that miss nothing
Panel 2
Description: The Mentor hops down from the chair, lands lightly, and settles in. He studies Atlas the way you’d study a stray dog: not with suspicion, but with genuine curiosity about how it got here.
Dialogue:
Mentor: “You look terrible. When’s the last time you slept?”
Panel 3
Description: Over-the-shoulder from Atlas. The Mentor pours wine.
Dialogue:
Atlas: “I need work.”
Mentor: “Everybody needs work. The miners need work. My shark needs work… he’s getting fat. Tell me something interesting.”
Page Seventeen
Panel 1
Description: Close-up of the Mentor. He’s not smiling* (see note). He’s closely evaluating Atlas, deeper than the conversation suggests.
Note: for the first time, we see the person under the persona
Dialogue:
Mentor: “You carried that card for years. My old name. My old life. Why?”
Panel 2
Description: Atlas slides Bud’s card across the desk.
Dialogue:
Atlas: “You handed it to me through the bars of a holding cell. Said it’d be useful someday.”
Mentor: “I tell a lot of people a lot of things.”
Panel 3
Description: The Mentor picks up the card. Holds it delicately. A beat of silence. His expression shifts and something unguarded crosses his face.
Dialogue:
Mentor: “…You got the beer right, by the way. Ice cold. She told me.”
Panel 4
Description: The Mentor leans back, the persona returning. A smile playing at his lips. He’s made a decision.
Dialogue:
Mentor: “Last time you came for me at the Tooth, you brought cuffs. This time you brought manners. I call that progress.”
Page Eighteen
Panel 1
Description: Silence. The Mentor shifts focus to the gun under Atlas’ coat. The Mentor makes a gun shooting motion with his hand.
Dialogue:
Mentor: “That thing under your jacket. It’s loud. And I don’t mean the shooting noise.”
Mentor: “Can I see it?”
Panel 2
Description: Close-up of Grim under Atlas’ coat, his outline more prominent, and Atlas reaching hesitantly toward Grim.
Dialogue:
Grim: “Fun fact: if he touches me, he hears me.”
Grim: “Go on. Hand me over. Maybe he’ll take me seriously.”
Thought:
Atlas: “And he’s just mentioning this now?”
Panel 3
Description: Atlas’ hand hovers over Grim under his coat. A tense beat. The Mentor watches, wine glass still, completely patient.
Thought:
Atlas: “He’s testing me. Or Grim is. Or both.”
Page Nineteen
Panel 1
Description: Atlas withdraws his hand. Sits back. His expression settles as he’s made a choice. Grim stays with him.
Dialogue:
Atlas: “The gun stays with me.”
Panel 2
Description: The Mentor doesn’t react the way we’d expect (no disappointment). He just nods once.
Dialogue:
Mentor: “Good.”
Panel 3
Description: A beat of silence. The Mentor absently turns his broken pocket watch over in his fingers, looking past Atlas for a moment.
Panel 4
Description: His eyes snap back to Atlas.
Dialogue:
Mentor: “Well, I don’t hire detectives. I don’t hire Watchmen. And I don’t hire whatever you think you are now.”
Pages 20 – 22: The Job
Page Twenty
Panel 1
Description: The Mentor leans forward, chin on folded hands, a mischievous gleam in his eyes.
Dialogue:
Mentor: “But I collect people who’ve been dropped down a mine shaft and climbed back out.”
Panel 2
Description: Close-up of Atlas. His composure cracks slightly, the first time we see that in the issue.
Panel 3
Description: Atlas stares at the Mentor. The Mentor holds his gaze, unbothered. The power dynamic in the room has shifted entirely. The chessboard from Page 16 is visible in the background.
Dialogue:
Atlas: “How do you—”
Mentor: “One condition.”
Page Twenty-One
Panel 1
Description: The Mentor slides something across the desk toward Atlas. We see Atlas’ hand reaching for it. We don’t see what it is.
Dialogue:
Mentor: “You don’t ask why until it’s done.”
Panel 2: large, bottom half of the page
Description: Atlas’ hand rests on the object, face down on the desk, not yet lifting it. He looks up at the Mentor. We still can’t see what it is.
Note: page turn. The reveal is the first thing the reader sees on Page 22.
Dialogue:
Atlas: “And if I say no?”
Mentor: “Then you go back to being dead. I hear it’s quiet and boring, and you don’t seem one for quiet and boring.”
Page Twenty-Two
Panel 1: large, top half of the page
Description: Close-up of the photograph in Atlas’ hand. We see the back of it only. There’s a single word written on it in neat handwriting. The name: “Dranus.”
Thought:
Atlas: “Fuck.”
Panel 2
Description: Wide shot: Atlas walking out of the office, photograph in hand. The Mentor in the background, already standing back on his chair, adjusting the same broken clock.
Dialogue:
Grim: “You’re not actually going to trust him, are you?”
Panel 3
Description: Outside the Pipes, steam drifting past. Atlas lights a cigarette with the same gesture as Page 1, his face half-lit by the flame. No dialogue.
Caption: To Be Continued
Vignette: Bud
No art for the vignette. This is a little story at the back of the comic
Bud. A three-letter word that makes you think of a loyal dog or an old, reliable friend. A fitting name, perhaps, for an orphaned boy: pale, caked in the grime of the Seams, hair wild. Bud spent his days staring up at the distant lights of the Heights from the one spot in the Seams the plateaus’ shadows never reached, and he swore the lights knew his name.
He grew up alone, without a family or even the warmth of a meagre Undercity home. It should have broken him. It never did. Bud always seemed to know which way the wind would blow, and he made friends wherever he went. He saw what others overlooked in people, and he had a knack for coaxing it out of them.
He formed his first crew when he was twelve. He gathered the rejected Bigs and Smalls, the ones lacking the taste for violence the Seams gangs so eagerly desired, and he talked about a better life until they started to believe in it too. One member of that motley crew bore a fresh tattoo of a black pickaxe, the brand of a boy destined for the mines. His name was Pyke, and he would become Bud’s best friend and brother.
The crew didn’t last. The established gangs saw the worth in those they’d once dismissed and began poaching Bud’s people one by one. Bud let them go. He had turned the discarded into the wanted, and that sat right with him. And as one door closed, another opened: Bud found a family among Pyke’s kin.
The mines became Bud’s home. He never wore the miner’s brand, but the miners counted him one of their own. He spent years wandering the winding tunnels, learning a life underground, a life that rarely saw the sun.
Bud kept his kindness as he grew, even as Pyke was drawn into the dark allure of the Red Talon. Their paths diverged, but brothers they stayed. And when Bud finally came up out of the mines, he didn’t climb toward the Heights. He bought a rundown bar on the edge of the Seams, hung two worn pickaxes on the wall, and had cards printed with a harmonica on the front and a promise beneath it: A Light in the Dark for Those in Need.
The Red Talons drank there. So did the miners, and the Bigs and Smalls who had nowhere else to go. Bud never turned anyone away. In the end, that is what brought a young Watchman through his door with a pair of handcuffs.